aprilmarch (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aprilmarch) wrote2020-11-01 11:24 pm
aprilmarch) wrote2020-11-01 11:24 pm
01 - Purple Cow
To
Dr. Sophia Mite
Foundation Head Director
As discussed in earlier meetings, I will start sending you the documentation we discussed, starting today. Consider this a sort of 'proof of concept' of how sharing information can benefit all like-minded organisations. I have long been a proponent of global unity in this case, and I have made no effort to hide how our budged shortfalls force us to keep our nose down to day-to-day operations, curtailing our ability to perform long-term studies that might save hundreds of thosands of lives, if not our entire reality.
However, allow me to stress that this is a request for mutual cooperation, not a call for one-sided help. We are very well aware of the disastrous effects of entities such as yours - many claiming themselves to be global, but always headquartered in the US or Europe - trying to act in the global South without understanding local cultures. In fact, I might be more aware of it than you, since I've had to clean quite a few of those messes. There are many who believe that your desire to share information will result in more of these disasters, and I cannot say this is an unfounded position. I will not pretend that I can stop you from doing so, but I can assure you that if you screw it up, you will suffer exactly as much retribution as I can muster from my underprivilidged position.
Remember: I know my people much better than you, and I've done things you can't even dream of - certainly not if your budget was like mine.
The first file follows.
Regards,
Vanda Ezequias
Chief Director
Departamento de Prevenção de Anomalias
[Annexed documents]
Item number 00380027 "Ice Cream Cow"
Anomolous subject is a dairy cow (Bos taurus) of the Holstein Friesian breed. While most cows of this breed are white with black spots, this animal's spots are instead dark purple. All other biological characteristics of the animal, including the placement of the spots, are normal for a cow of its age.
Whenever the cow is milked, if the milk is not consumed immediately or kept separate from human beings, the milk appears to curdle after roughly five minutes, and will turn into a readily edible dairy product. The most common result is ice cream, usually grape-flavoured, but several other flavours have also appeared. Cheese, yoghurt and curd are also common. After the change, the substance will be at an optimum temperature for storage - freezing temperatures for ice cream, and cold temperatures for other kinds of dairy. Examinition of these substances reveal them to be identical to if these substances were made using high quality cow's milk and non-industrial preparation proccesses. Other than its origin, these substances possess no anomalous properties.
Sometimes, the milk does not turn into a different edible product, but instead into pausteurized milk. This can also be drunk safely.
This subject was aquired in 1989 as part of a traveling circus troupe called "Circo da Fazendinha" (Small Farm Circus). The cow's unusual colour was paraded around, and its milk was turned into different dairy products in front of paying costumers. An unknown member of the troupe alerted local police to the fact that the cow's anomalous abilities were true, and an embedded agent alerted our organization.
[Annexed file 01: Interview with Mr. Pereira (MP), owner of the cow at the moment of aquisition, by Agent Guerra] (AG)
AG: So, do you wanna tell where this special cow came from?
MP: Well, sir, it's the darmndest thing! Mimosa, you know, she's always had a sweet tooth, she'd eat anything we'd cook for ourselves, even if it wasn't sweet. She'd stomp her hooves and demand we give her a piece! So one day my late wife, God rest her soul, decides to make us some grape ice cream. Mimosa comes over and demands a little, of course, so we have to give it to her. This was at night. When we wake up the next day, Mimosa is purple! We thought it was something that would go away, but then after I milk her, I realize her milk had turned to grape ice cream! We start joking that Mimosa liked the ice cream so much, she started to make her own...
AG: Are you fucking kidding me?
MP: I - sorry, sir, what?
AG: You're being arrested, Mr. Pereira. You're being arrested because your animal is a threat to normalcy. I don't want the cute story you tell children at the show. I want the truth. What happened to this cow?
MP: I - that's the truth, sir!
AG: That's the truth? Your cow ate ice cream, became purple and started to give out milk that spontaneously turns into ice cream? That's bullshit!
MP: Sir, I don't know what you're talking about. We have at least three animals more fantastic than her in the circus. Have you seen Sortudo, the pig?
AG: What?
MP: A green pig that poops gold nuggets! Isn't that something?
AG: That pig is dyed green.
MP: What do you mean?
AG: I mean, its skin has been painted green. It's not naturally that colour.
MP: But the nuggets-
AG: They are inserted into the pig's anus through sleight of hand.
MP: No! Vera would not do that. She's, she's such a sweet...
[long pause]
AG: Are you wondering why they never used the gold nuggets to pay for anything the troupe needed?
MP: It crossed my mind, yes.
AG: So you see.
MP: It also explains why we buy so much paint.
AG: Mr. Pereira, all the animals in your circus are magic acts. All, except yours. Their stories are fiction. I need to know your real story.
MP: But that's what I told you! You can go to my farm in Bueno [Brandão, Minas Gerais]. My children still live there. They'll tell us the story is true!
AG: Fine. We'll check that out.
MP: When can I go home?
AG: I cannot tell you that.
[UPDATE]
Mr. Pereira's family was found and interviewed. They all believed the milk to be a joke or prank by Mr. Pereira, but no one could tell how the 'trick' was performed.
Mr. Pereira was kept in containment until procedures were revised in 1995, when he was released and returned to his family farm. He remained under DPA watch until his death in 2012. He was interviewed constantly and never contradict himself about the anomaly's origin.
The cow 'Mimosa' is still alive and the anomalous dairy is considered safe to eat.
Dr. Sophia Mite
Foundation Head Director
As discussed in earlier meetings, I will start sending you the documentation we discussed, starting today. Consider this a sort of 'proof of concept' of how sharing information can benefit all like-minded organisations. I have long been a proponent of global unity in this case, and I have made no effort to hide how our budged shortfalls force us to keep our nose down to day-to-day operations, curtailing our ability to perform long-term studies that might save hundreds of thosands of lives, if not our entire reality.
However, allow me to stress that this is a request for mutual cooperation, not a call for one-sided help. We are very well aware of the disastrous effects of entities such as yours - many claiming themselves to be global, but always headquartered in the US or Europe - trying to act in the global South without understanding local cultures. In fact, I might be more aware of it than you, since I've had to clean quite a few of those messes. There are many who believe that your desire to share information will result in more of these disasters, and I cannot say this is an unfounded position. I will not pretend that I can stop you from doing so, but I can assure you that if you screw it up, you will suffer exactly as much retribution as I can muster from my underprivilidged position.
Remember: I know my people much better than you, and I've done things you can't even dream of - certainly not if your budget was like mine.
The first file follows.
Regards,
Vanda Ezequias
Chief Director
Departamento de Prevenção de Anomalias
[Annexed documents]
Item number 00380027 "Ice Cream Cow"
Anomolous subject is a dairy cow (Bos taurus) of the Holstein Friesian breed. While most cows of this breed are white with black spots, this animal's spots are instead dark purple. All other biological characteristics of the animal, including the placement of the spots, are normal for a cow of its age.
Whenever the cow is milked, if the milk is not consumed immediately or kept separate from human beings, the milk appears to curdle after roughly five minutes, and will turn into a readily edible dairy product. The most common result is ice cream, usually grape-flavoured, but several other flavours have also appeared. Cheese, yoghurt and curd are also common. After the change, the substance will be at an optimum temperature for storage - freezing temperatures for ice cream, and cold temperatures for other kinds of dairy. Examinition of these substances reveal them to be identical to if these substances were made using high quality cow's milk and non-industrial preparation proccesses. Other than its origin, these substances possess no anomalous properties.
Sometimes, the milk does not turn into a different edible product, but instead into pausteurized milk. This can also be drunk safely.
This subject was aquired in 1989 as part of a traveling circus troupe called "Circo da Fazendinha" (Small Farm Circus). The cow's unusual colour was paraded around, and its milk was turned into different dairy products in front of paying costumers. An unknown member of the troupe alerted local police to the fact that the cow's anomalous abilities were true, and an embedded agent alerted our organization.
[Annexed file 01: Interview with Mr. Pereira (MP), owner of the cow at the moment of aquisition, by Agent Guerra] (AG)
AG: So, do you wanna tell where this special cow came from?
MP: Well, sir, it's the darmndest thing! Mimosa, you know, she's always had a sweet tooth, she'd eat anything we'd cook for ourselves, even if it wasn't sweet. She'd stomp her hooves and demand we give her a piece! So one day my late wife, God rest her soul, decides to make us some grape ice cream. Mimosa comes over and demands a little, of course, so we have to give it to her. This was at night. When we wake up the next day, Mimosa is purple! We thought it was something that would go away, but then after I milk her, I realize her milk had turned to grape ice cream! We start joking that Mimosa liked the ice cream so much, she started to make her own...
AG: Are you fucking kidding me?
MP: I - sorry, sir, what?
AG: You're being arrested, Mr. Pereira. You're being arrested because your animal is a threat to normalcy. I don't want the cute story you tell children at the show. I want the truth. What happened to this cow?
MP: I - that's the truth, sir!
AG: That's the truth? Your cow ate ice cream, became purple and started to give out milk that spontaneously turns into ice cream? That's bullshit!
MP: Sir, I don't know what you're talking about. We have at least three animals more fantastic than her in the circus. Have you seen Sortudo, the pig?
AG: What?
MP: A green pig that poops gold nuggets! Isn't that something?
AG: That pig is dyed green.
MP: What do you mean?
AG: I mean, its skin has been painted green. It's not naturally that colour.
MP: But the nuggets-
AG: They are inserted into the pig's anus through sleight of hand.
MP: No! Vera would not do that. She's, she's such a sweet...
[long pause]
AG: Are you wondering why they never used the gold nuggets to pay for anything the troupe needed?
MP: It crossed my mind, yes.
AG: So you see.
MP: It also explains why we buy so much paint.
AG: Mr. Pereira, all the animals in your circus are magic acts. All, except yours. Their stories are fiction. I need to know your real story.
MP: But that's what I told you! You can go to my farm in Bueno [Brandão, Minas Gerais]. My children still live there. They'll tell us the story is true!
AG: Fine. We'll check that out.
MP: When can I go home?
AG: I cannot tell you that.
[UPDATE]
Mr. Pereira's family was found and interviewed. They all believed the milk to be a joke or prank by Mr. Pereira, but no one could tell how the 'trick' was performed.
Mr. Pereira was kept in containment until procedures were revised in 1995, when he was released and returned to his family farm. He remained under DPA watch until his death in 2012. He was interviewed constantly and never contradict himself about the anomaly's origin.
The cow 'Mimosa' is still alive and the anomalous dairy is considered safe to eat.